I Choose You Sweat Sock Smell

Wednesday, December 8, 2010


I Choose You Sweat Sock Smell



I don’t get people. Really, truly, I don’t understand what it is that goes through their heads sometimes. In no way am I saying I’m perfect, trust me I AM NOT. I just like to think that I have some sense of tact and social accountability. Let me set the scene.





Location: The Infamous El Aye Fitness



Time: Who knows? I was working out



Situation: um who? Ha Ha I kill me.







So here I am at the gym getting my sweat on. I hate the gym. I hate working out. I hate sweating where people can see me. I used to like the gym, about 30 less pounds ago, but one cannot loose wait by Wii Fit alone so I go. I am reminded everyday why I hate going. It’s more than just the effort to get there. It’s the act of packing my stuff because I have to have a full shower before going home to sleep. It’s the actual drive to the gym. Its parking and walking into a locker room that still, no matter how nice and clean it looks, smells like feet. It’s the PEOPLE, oh sweet lord the people. I’m not a people person and I am definitely not a stupid people person. I can get past the people lifting in bad form. Maybe having a trainer spoiled me. Maybe taking some physiology and some strength training classes has inflated my ego a little. Sometimes I just want to snap a picture and caption it “epic fail” but I don’t. Mainly for fear that I am too large to get away in time. I can roll with it I guess. I can deal with people singing along with their IPODS. This is actually amusing because there is usually a line of IPOD singers on the treadmill (myself included) singing along and turning the cardio area into a scene from the “Sing Off” cast off try outs. Seriously people, we can’t sing.



But the number one cardinal infraction can be illustrated as such. I am on the stair-master having completed 30 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes of strength training before my cool down. I am lost in my world of gossip magazines and sweat when suddenly the air gets caught in my throat. WTH? I quickly scan my systems; lungs okay, muscles okay, heart rate steady, sweat production extensive. What would this be? I breathe in through my nose and it happens again. Stopped mid inhale and it won’t budge. I’m overcome with a sharp pain right between my eyes across the bridge of my nose. Seriously what is this? It takes a minute for it to register, its perfume. Ughhhhh. I immediately start gagging at the thought and the fact that I have now missed about five decent breaths of air. As I look around for the offender it hits me so hard I nearly fall of the treadmill. I can’t take it. It’s not just perfume its heavy floral scented that reminds me of my Kindergarten teachers. A smell once overpowering yet comforting is not downright nauseating. I understand the need to cover up the smell of ones sweat. That is what deodorant is for. Not perfume. The culprit? An older woman using the treadmill two machines over from me. For a minute I felt remorseful for wishing ill upon my others. That was instantly forgotten when I did get so light headed that I seriously tripped on the stairs.



LADIES, don’t wear perfume to the gym. Really. I’d rather smell body odor work out stink then be overcome with ew de floral shop. Some of us are sensitive to smells. Especially when huffing and puffing on the stair stepper while completely out of shape. I’ve had times where I’m tempting to spritz some spray on out of fear of my rankness but I remember how much more intense floral perfume is when paired with the smell of sweat socks. So please do us all a favor, don’t do it. And God have mercy on your soul if you are wearing perfume and have bad form on the Lat Pull Downs because then, I will have to say something.