My Top Ten Gym Blunders
10. Farting while doing sit ups
9. Breaking the elastic tubing which then left a fan-fucking-tastic mark all the way up my legs
8. Ripping my shorts while trying to walk between two weight machines. Apparently my ass is much larger then it appears in my head when sizing up spaces to walk through
7. The sound of my pooch fat slapping around as I’m doing jumping jacks
6. Tripping over the corner of the treadmill because my trainer thinks 6am is a good time to work out
5. Belching, then puking up my entire protein shake while in the down dog position in yoga class
4. Turning the wrong direction in cardio kick box class and landing a round house square in the face of the skinny blond chick next to me (it felt damn good though she annoyed me)
3. Saying excuse me sir to a woman that was so bulked up I swear she had testicles. (note to self always look for a package in determining gender at the gym. Boobs are not reliable)
2. Breaking yet another elastic tube this time slapping my trainer in the face and breaking his nose.
1. Attempting a box jump (2 Reebok boxes on top of each other) while be spotted by my trainer. I jumped up, I thought I landed, and then the top box slid one way, the bottom boxed slid the other way, and I came tumbling down. Needless to say my session for that day and that week was over.
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