Apparently, I am not capable of getting work done even when I scheduled time on my own calendar. Further proof that I can not be a five.

Dear Starbucks

I will elaborate on my earlier tweet...

Dear Starbucks,

Last time I checked, you introduced the Frappucinno Light as a low cal, low fat alternative to the jiggly thigh enducing original. This is fine and good and I appreciate the fact that my waist line is of upmost concern to you. One of the major differences (other than fat and calories that is) is that there is no whip cream. Now I, like most god fearing Americans, am a sucker for some whip cream topping. Luckily the said Frappaccino light does not come with whip cream as an option so I was good to go. But today, your lovely barista (or is it baristo since it was a boy) graciously took my order for a Grande Frappuccino Light. Once he finished creating my own little slice of heaven in a cup he asked....drum roll please.....cue tympani....he asked "Would you like Whip cream on that?" Don't. Ever. Ask. A. Three. Not. A. Five. That. Question. Do you think that I ordered the light version because it's the cool things to do and all the desperate housewives of orango county are having one. No, I ordered it because I still want phenomincal cosmic Caramel power in an itty bitty caloric count drink. Do I want whip cream on that? Reall? "Yes Please" I'm a three not a five Starbucks. Please don't ask me these things.

Sincerely,
The fat cells in my left ass cheek

Bear Patrol

So, many of you know that I went camping last weekend and by camping I don’t mean KOA camping. I mean backwoods, dig your own toilet, hang your garbage in a tree type of camping. While preparing for said camping trip, I pondered on buying some bear repellant. Now bears are a bit lower on my “deathly afraid of” scale but they do fall right behind flying, snakes, rats, and open water. They are followed by earthquakes which I’ll get to that a little later… Apparently bear repellant is rather expensive, say $50 expensive. I know my philosophy is well established that I am a three not a five in life, but this is one area where I would be willing and able to go above my expectations and do everything I can to hold off a bear. So I committed to buying bear repellant despite the mocking of my camping partner and most anyone I talked. Unfortunately I am also lazy and by the time I was done shopping at Walmart I had no energy to brave Bass Pro Shops and be mocked there. So in terms of Bear protection I am still a three (yes I did hang my garbage from the tree). Although, I did have an elk stumble into my campsite so perhaps that is some karma for not being a five…

Fun at work

One of the reason's I'm a three, I take time to make these....

Apparently

I guess when it comes to blogging, I'm a three not a five as well. But that can also be attributed to the fact that they don't have internet in the middle of the fricking woods. That is where I spent my weekend. I was trying to be a "5" camper by being prepared. But, I forgot the sleeping bags and Bear repellant was too expensive so I got the sleeping bags at Walmart and hoped my stench would keep the bears away. I am alive so apparently it worked.

Thighs Part 1

I have always been well aware of the fact that my thighs are big. I have accepted the fact that they will always touch. My body is made up in such a way that I will never have thighs that have a gap in between them. Actually I think my thigh my fit in the gap of some of the girls I know. With that said, I always take the proper precautions when it comes to running. I will usually wear Capri pants, compression shorts under other shorts, or bike shorts under shorts. So when I went to the gym last night I didn’t think twice about what I was wearing (blue bike shorts, under some running shorts). Apparently my shorts were a three not a five because throughout my run the running shorts managed to become full on bunners (come on you remember those from volleyball team). No matter how often or forcefully pulled them down they would keep running up my leg. I tried to keep moving but I really should have stopped. Thanks to my thighs and my sometimes there motivation I know have lovely red spots on my thigh. Further proof that I should really tone it down to a three when exercising.

My work ethic

Look at what I saw on the way home from work. That is Obama's cargo plane that carries his limo and other motorcade vehicles. Yep I work by the airport, lucky me when the prez comes to town in the middle of rush hour. What time did I take that picture? Um, 4:15pm. I'm a three not a five people.

Or perhaps this doesn't help either

So this was taken a couple weeks ago at the Ren Fest. How can I resist eating a Turkey leg. This is the best food group ever. No utensils required, grab on for dear live and dig in. It's portable and tasty. Turkey's healthy right????? I'm a three

perhaps

Perhaps being a three when it comes to weight watchers is why it's taking so long to lose weight....These don't help, again, I'm a three

I'm a three not a five

Just a brief introduction to my blog....I admit that I am a three not a five. What does this mean? Simple. I can related it best to those performance evaluations you get at your job. Most of the time the eval's rate you on a scale of 1 to 5 with the following meanings
1: Does not meet expectations
2: Minimally meets expectations
3: Meets expectations
4: Above expectations
5: Consistently exceeds expectation

or in layman's terms

1: You suck
2: You sometimes suck
3: Coasting by
4: You rock
5: You suck...AKA You lips are major fixture on most people's rear ends... AKA DDS (Develop, Deploy, Suck up) syndrome. Yep that's what DDS means

Here's the thing. Does your company or any company that you know of actually give out a 5? I bet its hard pressed to find someone who is given a 5. But what above those of you who bust your ass trying to please everyone, meet your deadlines, and be a happy team player? Did you get a 5 on your eval? Doubtful right. You probably put forth tons of effort working after hours and not claiming the overtime but still you are rated a 3. Why you ask? The usual response is so that you have something to strive for and they can put this as a goal in your eval. Screw that, you HAVE been striving for that stupid asshat. I don't need goals I need a fricking raise and some recognition. But still you have your three and thankful you even have that in this economy right? So I say if you are rated a three start acting like a three. If your rating doesn't reflect the four or five that you are, you have my permission be a three not a five. Show them what a three looks like. Meet every single one of your expectations but don't you dare exceed it. So in short that is how I choose to live in most aspects of my life. I simply live to meet expectations, due the bare minimum, and to coast through life. So I hope you enjoy the blog. I truly hope I meet your expectations. If I start to exceed them, please let me know. After all I'm only a three.

p.s. My spelling and grammar suck because I'm a three not a five. Deal with it